Couples & Relationship Counselling & Psychotherapy

Do you think your relationship could be better? Are you arguing all the time and getting nowhere? Do you wish the other person could be different? Does it feel as if there is no real connection any more? Are you struggling to understand what's happening between you?

If you sense that the time is right to make some changes and you need help, as we all do from time to time, then I can offer you a space to explore what has been happening and how your relationship can move forward once again, in whatever way is right for you.

Difficulties occur between Couples because it is impossible for you to see the unconscious dynamic which is binding you. Once the relationship felt good, seemed right and easy, but, after the 'honeymoon' period, good feelings can subside and then the real work of relating begins. Unconscious processes get energised as time goes on and the other becomes, without you realising it, the parent or close caregiver, with whom you have unfinished issues. And even those issues from your early years are likely to be unknown to you consciously. By working through what happens in the here and now in the relationship you are giving yourself an opportunity to heal the past and repair your current relationship in one go. Sometimes repair and healing may not be possible of course, but whether you stay together or part, Couples Therapy is an opportunity to understand yourself better and to understand how and why different parts of you react to the other the way they do. Unless this understanding is gained and acted upon, history WILL repeat itself!

With this approach, it is easier to see the bigger picture whereby each of you have equally contributed to the underlying dynamic between you. This does not excuse unacceptable behaviours such as 'violence' for example, but allows us to work together to see how you have arrived at the current state of your relationship without blame on either side.

I would recommend the following books which may help you to understand couple dynamics better and which also include some useful  exercises which for self-development:

Nick Duffel & Helena Lowenthal: 
John Gottman: "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail And How to Make Yours Last".
Harville Hendrix: "Getting The Love You Want - A Guide for Couples" and its attendant Workbook
John Welwood: "Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships - Healing the Wound of the Heart."




BACP          UKCP